Sunday, August 5, 2012

My Friend Wants to KILL Himself FOR REAL

Maybe in Costa Rica, suicide IS painless.

His name is Max but everyone calls him, 'Ime'. As he tells it, a nickname his first wife gave him because she said he was a selfish prick who only thought of himself; hence, I + me = Ime. He obviously doesn't mind 'the bash' since he introduces himself as such. I don't know, maybe he thinks it's true. Anyway, doesn't really matter, but what does matter is Max wants to KILL himself. I'm not sure I totally appreciate the fact he confided in me, because truthfully, it's a little much, but I do understand why he chose me to tell. Ime is my age, 52.

I've known Ime for about 7 months and like me, he's lived in Costa Rica for about 7 years. We became fast friends and actually, he's my only true friend I have here in Costa Rica. I don't toss the word 'friend' around like many seem to do, I would call most people I associate with here, good acquaintances... whatever. In my world, friends are people who are with you regardless, and when I say regardless, I mean REGARDLESS ... and that's Ime. I can tell him anything and vice versa... and there's no bullshit involved. I like that. It's as if we've been friends forever. Intellectually, Ime is much smarter than me, he literally knows a LOT of shit and even if he doesn't, his bullshit usually rings true, so most wouldn't know to call him OUT on it anyway. He's the guy who's going to win Trivial Pursuit- you know the type. BUT, I have him in emotional intelligence, so the fact he can explain in detail how the universe all fits together or how to kill someone with dental floss, he needs me to help with 'perspective and understanding'....so needless to say, we get along like peas and a fork.

Ironic, it was one of our first 'deep' conversations. Unfortunately, it was laced with extreme amounts of rum and cokes, so I couldn't see any red flags and the nuances are WAY vague but the conversation was about suicide...and I don't have to guess what I said, as my thoughts on the subject are vastly different from the majority thinking.. but since Ime isn't usually in the majority thinking, we had exactly the same thoughts on the matter. I'm thinking that's why he confided in me.

A few more tidbits about Ime. Like many people who come to Costa Rica, Ime seems to have money. I know in his past life he consulted and did well in real estate but he doesn't work here in Costa Rica. Ime has a really nice place outside of town and doesn't seem to want for anything. I know he did the family thing but he never talked about his kids or his ex-wife's and I've never felt inclined to bring them up. One thing Ime does do here, and very well, is drink. You would call him an alcoholic, I would say alcoholics go to meetings, Ime's a drinker. Just one more thing we have in common.

Anyway, I do feel sorry for folks who kill themselves because of feelings of hopelessness. But I also believe many people are like Ime (and me), he's just done. And that's exactly how he explained it to me. "Michael, I've done what I've wanted, I've been in love, had good friends and family... there's nothing more on my bucket list. I'm not depressed and I'm not mad or running from anything.... I'm just done."


I can totally understand Ime's way of THINKNG

Sorry, let me get to the point of all this. Ime hasn't asked my advice and believe me, he didn't tell me in order to try and have me talk him out of it, he's not looking for sympathy or seeking attention, I know him, he's serious, he just asked me to do a few things for him after he does do it. Bottom line- Ime will kill himself- it's a given. He merely wants me to explain it to his mother.... he wants me to tell her he's good, no problems...not sad or depressed or any of the regular reasons people decide to put a bullet in their brain...he wants me to tell her his life 'was' good....but as he described it to me, he's 'like a woman who knows when it's time to leave'.... he says it's his time to leave.

Ime does appreciate my perspective and really, I only had to recommendations: First, why don't you wait until your mother dies FIRST, why do this now... I remember thinking, 'selfish much'? He just answered, "that's why I want you to talk to her, tell her not to be sad......"

Gee, thanx friend.

I also advised against pills or guns...do the hose in the exhaust, it's a little more 'user' friendly. He laughed and said that's exactly how it's going to go.

Believe me, I know this post sounds a little 'flippant'...but you know, it's the reality of things and really, what do you expect when you put 2 Libertarians/Atheists in the same room.... yikes.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Not sure it's going to change anything... but please, TALK to me.

PS. I believe Ime when he says he's done,,,,, but I recall this video I made with my friend, Bill, awhile back...sheer BOREDOM could also be doing it to Ime.



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Comments (10)

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Robert Saienni's avatar

Robert Saienni · 660 weeks ago

I don't know what to say... I read the entire story (well written by the way), and watched the video on Bill, but I don't know what we can do WITHOUT spilling our guts for the world to read. However, I'm finding it difficult to just walk
away and move-on to the next Facebook drama-line. The best I can offer is this: Tell him that his job is not done yet... Nothing to do with God or a higher power/whatever, but he should help others instead of doing this ultimately SELFISH act. First to put it on another friend like that, and expecting them to handle their mother and other loved-ones afterwards is just plain NOT FAIR... Also, giving the "bucket-list" excuse is totally lame, unless you're in a deathbed with terminal cancer, etc and wanting the pain to end... Either he is riddled with guilt from something he has not disclosed or he may just be simply bored. What can IIII do? Nothing... What WILL I do? I'll send you my number to give to him, because I could be that other person who, at times, feels the same... BUT I doubt that I would wanna place this burden on ANYONE, especially a good friend like YOU, Michael... Thank you for sharing this with us all and I will now send my phone number. If calling is not possible, just have him contact me through Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/mrbadnerves
Hi Michael. Ime may not be depressed, but it sounds like he doesn't have any particular reason to live. A partner or project could provide some purpose.

He might be done or bored with his life in Costa Rica, but the world's a big place, and life is full of surprises. Why not stick around to find out what they might be :)
Maybe he just wants to fully live up to his nickname (something of which he definitely should NOT be proud, btw), because suicide is, after all, the most selfish of all acts. I'd say that if he is serious about this, then he needs to find a way to off himself in such a manner that no one (other than you perhaps) could know that it really was suicide. So, the hose/exhaust thing ain't gonna do it. He needs to drive off a really high cliff into a bottomless lake, with nothing inside the car to help him break his way out.
Maybe this is why suicide is frowned upon so strongly. The suicide doesn't really think of those left behind if he wants you to 'splain to his mommy (as if there is anyway you could explain such a thing to a grieving mother).
I think that your advice is good. Why do that to his Mother after all? But other than that if he wants to go by all means let him go...life is what you make it and obviously his has no meaning anymore. Who would want to live like that?
Jim Sanders's avatar

Jim Sanders · 660 weeks ago

Done it all!!!
I was a Cop for four years.... Got shot at lots.
Firefighter 2 years .... fought lots of fires.
Marine and you know that story.
I drove long hall. Ran business.
I'd be willing to bet he's not done it all.
There's always a new adventure.
I'm farming right now.
Who knows what's next but I'm not going to eat a bullet.
I love my kids and parents too much.
Go volunteer. There's plenty of people who really need help.
Just my humble opinion.... which is worth exactly noyhing.
Jim Sanders's avatar

Jim Sanders · 660 weeks ago

one other thought since you posted this, You might have some liability here.
I would be very careful how involved you get here.
I would not surprised to see you land some jail time if you get more involved
with having prior knowledge of this event.
I would notify the authorities and distance yourself from this guy ASAP.
Just a thought
MAURICIO CORLETO's avatar

MAURICIO CORLETO · 660 weeks ago

WOW, MICHAEL THAT HISTORY REALLY TOUCHED MY HEART, I HAVE A PLAN TO GO TO COSTA RICA SOON, AND WOULD LIKE TO MEET THIS PERSON !!! I HOPE GOD HELP HIM !!!
Without a purpose to get out of bed each day, I could see where someone would want to check out early. Many times family, career, parents, community are thrust upon us and they become our purpose. When my kids got this way, I had them volunteer where the folks had less which can open your eyes to what is left to be done with the resources you have left. So, the best medicine is human contact with people who need and want you which leads to a purpose to get out of bed each day.
sylvia mudd's avatar

sylvia mudd · 659 weeks ago

If anyone feels a constant need to pass away as in Imes' case then there is a serious problem. I believe Ime is having a problem with his hormones particularly the ones which are produced by the thalamus and hypothalamus in the brain. When the hormone serotonin is not flowing through the neurotransmitters properly then one of the symptoms is thinking to yourself that it is time for you to die now. There are several different reasons why that can can happen to anyone. Ime needs to treat the serotonin problem now. Ime is going to have to take a medication that will keep that serotonin going through his neurotransmitters like they should. A medication such as Prozac will do the job however, it will take three to six weeks before it gets built up in the blood enough to work. I want you to be at peace with yourself in knowing you have done all you knew to do at the time to help your good friend before he dies
HI there... speaking from personal experience since my brother committed suicide i can tell you one is the MOST SELFISH thing somebody can do specially having their mother still alive. But in this case, what else do you expect from somebody called IME...right? and when somebody is going to kill themselves they DON'T TELL ANYBODY OR ASK FOR FAVORS. Again, your selfish friend giving a crap about you or anybody else, can not even do his dirty work. That's the third thing COWARD. And of course, let's don't forget about the ATTENTION SEEKING that his EGOTISTICAL mind wants...... That's my story and i'm sticking to it....

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